I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
