Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
