I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
