Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
