feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
