Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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