Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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