we have pet lesbian snakes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
