I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
