i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
