i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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