Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
