Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize