Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
