im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She announced her abortion via fbk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
