I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
