So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
