The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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