Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
