I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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