my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
