I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
