I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
