Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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