Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
