I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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