Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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