i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
