I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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