He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
