I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
