I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
