Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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