omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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