rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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