My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
