i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
