Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
