Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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