Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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