The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
