Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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