one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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