Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
