somebody snuck up and got me drunk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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