oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
