Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize