he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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