Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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