This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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