we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
