My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
