I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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