you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
