This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
