Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
