How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
