He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
