I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
