i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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