I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
