this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
