He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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