if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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