His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize