After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
