I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
