from now on my penis is your penis
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
