he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
