sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
