Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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