Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize