I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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