Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
