He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bring money and cleavage
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
