i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
