shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Shame - the story of my life.
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