I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
