he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
