I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this will be a night to untag.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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