babies were throwing up all over the place
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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