Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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