shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
