My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
