I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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