thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
