final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
