But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
