I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
