I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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