i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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