sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
