i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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