I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
