hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
