Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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