i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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