Don't make out with my wife yet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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