my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
