Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
