how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
