I skipped work to stalk him.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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