Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
