Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
