i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
