hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
