So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize