a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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