I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
