??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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