I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
